I was in my early twenties and found myself fed up with the politics that is America, so I took off for greener pastures. I move to Europe and came out. At the time, I was working for the second-largest community college system in the United States. We supported the military, so at one point I was deployed to a war zone to deliver distance education services. The experience was one of the best of my career. And like all good things, the role came to an end. I learned a lot about business, culture, mentoring, relationships, and, importantly, myself.

Perhaps that experience left me both fearful of what I would find in the States when I returned and hopeful of the possibilities for myself that I never thought I would be able to capture. In the US, I worked in global Human Resources, specifically in employee engagement and communications, for some of the world’s best-known companies. I worked tirelessly to get some of these businesses named to the “best companies” lists and to ensure that these listings were authentic to the employee experience. I was like a company cheerleader, mostly because in those days, most businesses were less interested in group dynamics that produce business results.  

Nonetheless, being a member of the LGBTGEQIAP+ community was a core component of my professional identity, not that I have ever been able to hide who I am. As a result, I chose to work for companies that said: “diversity is a priority.” For the most part, in my various roles, I felt accepted and accomplished in the work I did to improve the lives of thousands of people who worked for these businesses. Outside of the occasional “icky” situation, I felt a sense of comfort in the workplace until I experienced what I perceived to be unlawful harassment by a senior leader. In fact, one of her subordinates even came to me to warn me of the leader’s expressed desire to target me for termination. I did not handle it well on my own. At another company, a senior leader would dump garbage in my cube at night and went so far as to put chewed gum on my web camera. In both cases, when I asked for help, none was given. One executive even went so far as to warn how such a claim against a leader could ruin my career at the company and beyond. 

I was reminded of those times in a recent conversation. I thought about all of the “right” social justice things to say and do and how I wish now that I would have pursued the case back then. But I was afraid. I was afraid of losing. I was afraid of feeling humiliated. I was afraid of the harassment that many in the LGBTGEQIAP+ community experienced then and now. I have often fantasized about reaching out to those “leaders” to confront their behavior and insist on an apology. But, I choose to focus my advocacy work in more productive ways. 

Members of the LGBTGEQIAP+ community have a lot in common in the workplace with others who identify as non-majority. We do not always have the freedom or security to speak up, and many of us are thankful for those who do. Our diverse cultures, perception of aggression, lived experiences, and more uniquely leave us with beliefs about how those in power will treat us

To say that many others have experienced something similar at work is an understatement. We just have to look to the Black Lives Matter and the #MeToo movement to quickly find evidence of toxic work environments and people in power taking advantage of others. Or, turn on the news, where you can watch stories and listen to testimonials about our basic humanity being targeted and attacked in far too many places and spaces. 

So what could have my managers have done all those years ago, which might have resulted in the resolution of the immediate conflict and perhaps improvement of my mental health over the many years of thinking about these situations? That’s a good question and a hard one to answer. But, generally speaking, when confronted with issues of discrimination and harassment, managers can:

• Listen: Sincerely hear what your employee has to say. 

• Validate: If your employee says they are experiencing discrimination and harassment, trust them. They know best what happened to them.

• Explore: Ask open questions to help the employee sort through the complexity of the situation.

• Reflect with empathy: Ensure the employee knows that you have received the message and understand what it must be like to be in such a situation. If you have had experiences of your own that you would like to share, do so without making the conversation about you.

• Explore solutions: Ask your employee what they would like to do to resolve the situation without pressuring them to take the steps you would envision taking. Not every person will be ready to face down issues of discrimination and harassment for many reasons. Ask your employee what steps they would like for you to take. Make clear to your employee any steps you are required to take to comply with the law. 

• Make agreements: Commit to taking the required actions and those you and your employee agree to accept.

• Follow-up: Check in on your employee by exploring residual thoughts and feelings. Also, consider coaching your employee to enable management of such situations in the future with your support. 

Issues of discrimination and harassment can be scary, to put it mildly. But, as a manager, you can enable employee, team, company, and community success and future mental wellness by not sweeping these issues under the proverbial rug. Support your people. Listen to them. Believe them. Trust that they know their experience best.  And if you are ready to improve mental wellness practices at your company or benefit from coaching to improve your performance in tough situations, get in touch today.