Parent Abuse Signs and Strategies for Help
Parent abuse is one of those things that no one seems to be talking about. Yet, it’s happening daily in every community across the United States and around the world. Minor children can and do abuse their parents and custodial guardians in a lot of different ways. However, most of the time, this abusive behavior is brushed under the rug or explained away because of the child’s age.
At the core of abuse, you will find power and control. In the context of parent abuse, the power and control rests firmly in the hands of the minor child and can take on many forms, such as if the kid is:
Physical abuse: Hitting, scratching, pushing, burning, kicking, choking, biting, throwing items, or restraining the parent by force.
Emotional: Name-calling, insulting, humiliating, gaslighting, or vilifying the parent.
Psychological: Intimidating, accusing, forcing withdrawal from work, threatening, or isolating the parent from friends and family.
Sexual: Coercing, shaming, forcing reproductive health choices, or inviting unwelcomed others to engage the parent sexually.
Financial: Controlling spending, stealing, using funds without approval, committing financial fraud, or using the parent's identity.
Technical: Using the Internet, social media, email, text, or other digital devices to harass, bully, track, impersonate, or exploit the parent.
Throughout childhood, kids learn social norms and relationship boundaries and test to see what they can get away with in their parental relationships. That is a normal part of growing up, and the parent participates by helping the child learn the difference between right and wrong in those situations. Abuse in the context of the parent-child relationship is different. Abuse occurs when the child forcibly disregards the parent's boundaries, refuses to fulfill reasonable expectations, and generally treats the parent unfairly or violently, or both. These tend to be extreme abuse cases.
If you are a parent experiencing abuse, help can be incredibly hard to find, especially since there are so few laws that protect parents from their children or the consequences of their children’s behavior. But there are things you can do:
Document your experiences: Journal daily, take notes, track incidents in a binder, and keep this documentation out of your child’s reach.
Get counseling: Get your child counseling, participate in family counseling, and use a counselor for yourself, too.
Involve the school: Let the school know about what you are experiencing and seek to understand if they are observing the same behaviors. Knowing if your child’s behavior is happening more than just at home is important.
Seek medical assistance: If your child is demonstrating abusive behaviors, you will want to have your primary care provider rule out any issues that might be causing the behaviors.
Contact the police: It is perfectly okay to call the police. Developing a safety plan with your local police department may be required.
Talk about it: If you bottle up your abuse experiences, no one will know that you need the support, so you will not get it.
Parent abuse is real. If you are experiencing parent abuse, please know you are not alone and you deserve to feel safe in the context of your family relationships, including in the relationships with your minor children.
